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CELTIC SHORTS – MIO, STATS, BOYDICHENKO AND MAYHEM IN MORDOR

By Trialist

According to reports, former Motherwell defender Miodrag Krivokapic is set to join Chris McCart, Celtic's new Head Of The Youth Academy, at the Club's Lennoxtown training complex.

The 48-year old Montenegrin will arrive at Celtic from Red Star Belgrade next month.

Of his appointment at Celtic, Miodrag Krivokapic said: “I feel very lucky to get the chance to work at a Club like Celtic and I look forward to helping bring the most talented kids in the world to Lennoxtown. It's an exciting opportunity for me and I can't wait to get started.”

Miodrag Krivokapic added: “I have been working at Red Star and have had one or two offers to move but I've had to turn them down as I'm thrilled about my return to Scotland.”

Meanwhile, evidence that Rearrangers' in-house tabloid the Daily Rectum can very occasionally provide a use other than being the liner for the budgie's cage.

The Rectum's Soccer Shorts provides these snippets:

“Celtic have been confirmed as the most successful team in the 10-season history of the SPL. They won 280 of their 376 games, racked up 891 points, scored 888 goals and won six titles. Rangers are second, 55 points behind having won 256 games and scored 799 goals. Hearts are third - 331 points adrift of Celtic.”

And:

“The SPL was the fourth-highest scoring League in Europe last season, ahead of the Premiership and Serie A. The 12 Scottish clubs scored 610 goals in 228 - an average of 2.68 per game. Holland (3.12) was top, followed by Germany (2.81) and Spain (2.69).

Meanwhile, it has been reported that Rearrangers have rejected a £3million offer from Cardiff City for Huns striker Kris Boydichenko.

Boydichenko, despite being Rearrangers' top goal-scorer, isnae fancied by “Walter”, who has recruited three strikers for the SPL flops - £2million Kenny Misser, £1million Andrius Velicka and £3.5million Kylie Laffable.

We fecking hope the Huns do sell Boydichenko, as even though the £3million would balance Rearrangers' outlay on Kenny Misser and Andrius Velicka, Boydichenko is the ONLY proven goal-scorer at Ipox.

He might be a lazy bassa with baggage aplenty, but he scores goals, unlike Kenny Misser and Kylie Laffable.

Meanwhile, the Rangers Supporters Trust – all three of them – are now claiming to be “the true voice of Rangers fans” as the schisms that caused a raft of resignations continue to widen.

Edgar, Smith and Mingwall en route to being viewed by the Laptop Loyal as marginalised and culturally traditionally extremists? Sir Minty Moonbeams hopes so.

The night of the long knives continues……….much to the amusement of Timposters lurking for a Laff on Fascist-Fascist.

Finally, there was more good news for Celtic fans who are still celebrating the three-in-a-row SPL Champions aborting the £3.5million gamble on Huns-supporting Kylie Laffable, whose transfer to Rearrangers has now been ratified.

Alan ‘Gowser' Gow refused to become a makeweight in the deal with Burnley and has vowed to return to Ipox to fight for a first team place. Gowser's refusal meant Sir Minty Moonbeams had to shell out more cash to the Turf Moor club for 20-year old Laffable, whose goals are as rare as UFO sightings over Cardiff.

Furthermore, Harry Kewell is expected to sign for Roma, which is a fecking relief to all in Timdom with an aversion to over-paid, under-performing, injury-ravaged, past-their-sell-by-date wingers.

Wonder if the Daily Rectum are planning the headline, “Double Blow For Bhoys – Celts In Crisis As Hoops Miss Out On Lafferty And Kewell”?

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